Getting Around the Next Corner

I can't begin to tell you how many sessions I don't remember. I would put on that second skin and do what needed to be done. Trying to second guess some stranger in front of me who's paid to see me be the domme of his dreams. It's a tall order. Impossible in many cases. If you let it, it can get you down. That and the times I would pass an entire week without a session booked. I would begin to question myself, my ability, my need to continue, my success. As any of the regulars on one discussion board can tell you, it takes about two years to become established in the eyes of the pro domme client community. After that, you're considered “real”; someone worthy of a submissive's time and money. I managed to hang in quite a bit longer than that. And things did even out and become more real and more stable for me after the initial two years. I had quite a few regulars I saw who gave me confidence and support in many ways, emotional, financial, physical. They told me I was special, sexy, beautiful, intelligent and great with rope! They paid for my trips, took me to dinner and gave me gifts. Some even came and helped me with home projects. Best of all, they helped me hone my skills.

What started out as a curiosity ended up a way of life for nearly eight years. Time passed slowly at first, when I was grasping for answers; trying desperately to relate what I was learning to what I already knew. It was chaotic, confusing, exciting, lonely and scary. There were times I was sure I was going to have to step back into the “vanilla” world and leave the dark, kinky stuff alone, not because I was barely making ends meet, but because I was not seeing the value in the investment I was making. Where was it all going? Where would I eventually end up? How did it shape my future? What impact would it have on my life long term? I couldn't answer those questions. I didn't know what the next 24 hours would bring me. Maybe that was part of the allure. I needed to get around the next corner before I made a decision to leave all this craziness behind. I don't think I ever got around that corner. I just met one interesting person after another, all with their own stories, life experiences and kink.